The NFL’s Super Wild Card weekend is here and it is sure to bring the fireworks. The weekend features many storylines that seem to come straight out of a Rick Riordan novel. Matthew Stafford and the Los Angeles Rams traveling back to Stafford’s old stomping grounds to face former Rams quarterback Jared Goff and the revitalized Detriot Lions is certainly a Jason going back to Camp Jupiter moment. Goff and Stafford were traded for each other in 2021. Happy now, Hera?
Meanwhile, Mike McCarthy and his Dallas Cowboys will host the upstart Green Bay Packers, led by 3rd-year quarterback Jordan Love. McCarthy was the head coach of the Packers for 13 seasons and won a Super Bowl with the team in 2010. This will certainly be a huge game for the Cowboys. A loss on Wild Card weekend could spell the end of both McCarthy’s tenure as the head coach of America’s team and Dak Prescott’s years as the starting quarterback, as he is up for a contract extension.
The Cleveland Browns’ visit to H-Town would have certainly been a bigger storyline had Mr. Massage been active and playing, but the Browns are better off with a resurgent Joe Flacco at the helm. So. What can we expect from this weekend’s games? I’m no Oracle of Delphi but I think I know a thing or 2 about football. (NOT LIABLE FOR ANY GAMBLING GONE WRONG.) So let’s take a walk kids.
Cleveland Browns at Houston Texans
SATURDAY AT 1:30 PM PST/4:30 PM EST ON NBC
Super Wildcard Weekend kicks off with a match-up between a Titan and a Demigod. Joe Flacco has awoken from his slumber and has gone back to his early 2010s decade form. He faces rookie quarterback C.J. Stroud, who found out his destiny about 3 months ago. I think the Browns defense will more or less suffocate the young quarterback and no cursed blade is going to save Stroud and his Texans. The will be no preserving, just razing.
Prediction: The Browns defense suffocates Stroud. Flacco and the offense lights up a young Texans defense, just as they did a couple of weeks ago. Browns 34 – Texans 13.
Miami Dolphins at Kansas City Chiefs
SATURDAY AT 5 PM PST/8 PM EST ON PEACOCK.
This isn’t going to go well for the Miami Dolphins. It isn’t going to go well at all. They as it is struggle against teams that are actually good. They even lost to the Chiefs in the sunny atmosphere of Frankfurt, Germany. Now they get to go into Arrowhead in sub-zero temperatures? Forget about it. The Chiefs’ offense is sluggish, borderline bad even. But I trust Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce when it matters more than Tua Tagovailoa and Tyreek Hill.
Prediction: Miami’s offense will be an ice statue that even Boreas would be jealous of. The Chiefs offense will score early and let Steve Spagnuolo’s defense control the game. The game will be in striking distance for Miami but they just won’t be able to score enough. Chiefs 17 – Dolphins 6.
Pittsburgh Steelers at Buffalo Bills
SUNDAY AT 10 AM PST/1 PM EST ON CBS
Sigh. There’s not much to analyze. This feels more like the Romans are on Half-Blood Hill. The Steelers aren’t the Romans. Of course, there is a path to victory for the Steelers. They just need the…Jameis Winston edition of Josh Allen to make an appearance and they need Mason Rudolph (who showed up around Christmas by the way. Coincidence? No such thing…) to put together a few drives.
Prediction: Let’s face it. The Steelers have as much a chance at winning as Annabeth and Percy figuring out they actually like each other after years of acting like a married couple on dangerous quests. The Bills don’t even need superhero Josh Allen to show up. They just need average. Run the ball. Don’t turn the ball over. Make the divisional. It’s that simple. But then again. Is anything “that simple” with this team? Bills 24 – Steelers 10.
Green Bay Packers at Dallas Cowboys
SUNDAY AT 1:30 PM PST/4:30 PM EST ON CBS.
The Jordan Love experiment in Green Bay has been a resounding success after year 1. Like seriously. The Packers have got to have a quarterback Tartarus somewhere in that facility. Most teams have been searching for ONE good quarterback forever. How do the Packers just generate good quarterback after good quarterback like it’s nothing?
Prediction: Meanwhile, the Dallas Cowboys hope to make the NFC Championship game for the first time in a long time, as they won’t have to meet the San Francisco 49ers in either of the first 2 rounds. I don’t think this game will be as one-sided as the statistics might claim it will be. The Packers’ offense can challenge any team on any given day. They’re that good. Cowboys 38 – Packers 31.
Los Angeles Rams at Detriot Lions
SUNDAY AT 5:15 PM PST/8:15 PM EST ON NBC.
Oh wow. THIS is the best game of the weekend, according to the Ani meter. The Hera Bowl. As mentioned earlier, there is plenty of history between these 2 teams. Both quarterbacks have incentives to light up the other team’s defense, for obvious reasons. However, Stafford will have a way easier time doing so. Detriot’s defense is very weak on the back-end and Stafford should have no problems going full Stat Padford on his old team.
Prediction: These Rams just give me a feeling. They’ve won 7 of their last 8 games to make the playoffs and I think that’s not to be taken lightly. The Rams’ offense might just overpower a Detroit offense that relies on the ground game and methodical approach. All this and not even a mention of Kyren Williams, whose rushing total was 2nd to only Christian McCaffrey. Rams 31 – Lions 24.
Philadelphia Eagles at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
MONDAY AT 5:15 PM PST/8:15 PM EST ON ABC/ESPN.
Baker Mayfield’s career-high has landed his Buccaneers a home date against the reeling Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles, doing their best monsters vs Percy impression, finished the season winning just 1 out of their final 5 games and didn’t look particularly great even in their one win. This will be a big game for head coach Nick Sirrianni, offensive coordinator Brian Johnson, and defensive coordinator(s?) Matt Patricia and Sean Desai. This game may actually determine their future in the City of Brotherly Love.
The Eagles don’t get the Chiefs treatment from me. I’m not going to give them the benefit of the doubt. Philly’s defense has been downright TERRIBLE during these last couple of months and I don’t expect that to change. I also trust Mayfield over a flailing Jalen Hurts, who’s looked more like his rookie self this season. Hurts is not a top 3 NFC Quarterback as of this moment, and Mayfield undoubtedly is. Buccaneers 27 – Eagles 17.
